...The second installment in IT CAME FROM THE NEO-FUTURARIUM VII: REVENGE OF THE NEO-FUTURARIUM!! Staged readings of the best bad films of the 20th century!

This Thursday, July 3rd, it's:

RING OF FEAR (1954)
Directed by Rachel Claff

Murder and mayhem under the big top! When a homicidal lovelorn Irish maniac starts sabotaging your circus with the help of an alcoholic clown, what do you do? Call in pulp-crime writer Mickey Spillane to solve the case, of course! ... What? You got a better idea?



Come hear the screams of terror mingle with the merry calliope as cast Ian Belknap, John Byrnes, Rachel Claff, Joe Dempsey, David Isaacson, Heather Riordan, Diana Slickman, and Bob Stockfish bring the circus to town! With a vengeance!

Tickets are $10 / $8 with student I.D. www.neofuturists.org for reservations or call (773) 275-5255! You know the drill. Be there! Rrrroooarrrrrr! (that's a tiger.)

This is a reminder that this year's It Came From The Neo-Futurarium: Revenge of the Neo-Futurarium! opens tomorrow night with Beach Blanket Bingo, the 1965 Frankie and Annette bubblegum romance, staged and performed by the Revelettes, Chicago's very own go-go dance troupe!

There is sun! There is surf! There are sassy women in bikinis and pajamas, cross-dressing as incompetent bikers and having pillow fights! One night only! Do not miss!

Buy Tickets Now!

This week's World Premiere Preview was going to be very proud to introduce our newest Neo-Futurist, Ms. Caitlin Stainken, who is supposed to join us for her first of what we believe will be many, many weeks in Too Much Light Makes The Baby Go Blind.

But that was before I received her photo booth photo, seen here, which fills me with dread. From the expression on her face, I can deduce that Caitlin was minding her own business, fresh out of her first rehearsal, memorizing the lines for her first plays in the show, experiencing that intoxicating mixture of excitement and fear that comes with breaking into unfamiliar territory...

...when she was suddenly attacked by werewolves. Or zombies. Or zombie werewolves.

Ever mindful of the show, however, Caitlin must have run from her home and found the nearest photo booth and taken a photo for the menu right before the wretched undead burst through the red half-curtain with their wild eyes craving blood.

Which means this photo is either the last look of panic that comes from knowing that you are about to horribly die, or the steely look of grim determination that precedes a major-league zombie werewolf smackdown.

So: Come see the show this weekend. If Caitlin is there, you'll know how the battle turned out.

Also, there are eight world premieres this weekend (which is, by the way, Pride weekend), written and performed by Ryan, Heather, Jessica, John, Dina, and possibly Caitlin:

• Deja Time Travel (John Pierson, et. al.*)
• X2 (Heather Riordan)
• ... (Dina Connolly)
  
• AQUA-GHOSTLY-STORY (Ryan Walters)
• Tiny Pride Parade (Ryan Walters)
• The Retard Game (Caitlin Stainken)
• Haze the New Girl (Caitlin Stainken)
• It Might Be Mayo (Caitlin Stainken)

And two plays that just couldn't be pushed back in the closet:

• Lollypop (Dina Connolly)
• Short Dirty Song (Heather Riordan)

Will there be a somber memorial to begin our show? Or will you see a fierce, ichor-stained warrior standing onstage, picking bits of zombie werewolf out of her teeth? Who can say? Who can say, indeed?


* Although it's true that we rarely collaborate on individual TML plays, this was one of those ones that came about from a very long conversation at Konak's after the show last Saturday. While John Pierson was the one who eventually wrote it down, Deja Time Travel also benefited from the contributions of Neo-Futurists Bilal Dardai and Jessica Anne, technician Luke Holladay, and longtime Neo-Futurist fan John Robinson.

You know what's frustrating, sometimes?

It's knowing that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you beat your brain around and flex your creative muscle...nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever be able to capture the brilliant combination of pathos, joy, and the entirety of life's rich pageant as well as video of a snoring duck:

Despite our futility in the face of adorable baby waterfowl, we press on. Heather, Ryan, Dina, John, Jessica, and Bilal present these eight world premieres:

• Clear your Throat and Smile (Ryan Walters)
• Jessica & Heather in: "Blood Blood Blood" (Heather Riordan)
• Another Inside Joke I've Told (Jessica Anne)
• A Play not about Politics, but kind of about Politics, but not Really. Well, kind of. (Dina Connolly)
• Segues Sans Showstoppers (Bilal Dardai)
• The Neo-Futurists' Ongoing Allegorical Lecture Series Presents: How to Build a Chair (Bilal Dardai)
• This City Dreams You (John Pierson)
• YOU FUCKING WHORES (John Pierson)

And the return of this play, untimely ripp'd from a previous menu:

• Your Daily Metro (Dina Connolly)

So now I have a great idea for a show. In which a duck stands on stage, falls asleep, and snores. We'll make a mint.

We begin this week's Premiere Preview on a bittersweet note, as this weekend marks the end of Dean Evans' tenure as an active Neo-Futurist. Dean is moving on to other things, although we're sure we'll see him again on our stage at some point. Like herpes, Dean Evans is prone to recurrence and inflammation.

For those of you who have laughed at, been perplexed by, or thrown panties to Dean Evans, it is imperative that you make it out to our theater this weekend to catch what may be his last three TML performances for quite some time.

And while you're wishing Dean a fond farewell, you'll also be discovering the strange and kooky joys of these nine world premieres...

• JA Saves the Play (Jay Torrence)
• The Saints and Poets (Jessica Anne)
• (Father)² (Ryan Walters)
• Pockets Full of Change (Ryan Walters)
• This Ain't Your Daddy's Father's Day Play (Bilal Dardai)
• Banter & Back-story (Bilal Dardai)
• Yellow Bellies (Dean Evans)
• humpy humpy poopy pee: An Intellectual Play for Intellectuals (Dean Evans)
  

A Dean Evans Production, presented by Dean Evans and the Dean Evans All-Star Players (Heather, Bilal, Jay, Jessica, and Ryan) in association with Too Much Dean Makes The Dean Dean Dean.

Cheers and good tidings to our wonderful Board Secretary, Mr. Jonathan Lewis, who tied a knot, jumped a broom, and happily declared himself off the market by getting married this weekend!

Details are here in the New York Times' Style Section.

And let's hear some respect for the state of Massachusetts!

I just spent 12 of the last 24 hours driving back and forth from Minneapolis, where I appeared with two of the New York Neo-Futurist alumni, Regie Cabico and F. Omar Telan, in a six-play showcase performance for the Asian-American Theatre Conference.

Yes, I know, bully for you, you windbag. Why don't you also tell us how awesome you are at Dance Dance Revolution?

I didn't mention any of that to be boastful, I swear. I just wanted to offer an excuse as to why there's very little decorative blog entry to go with the list of this week's premieres. I'm quite tired and my back and legs hurt. That's all I'm saying.

Ironically, my excuse for not having decorative blog entry has now become decorative blog entry.

Moving on...

Jay, Ryan, Heather, Kristie, and Dean present the following six plays, freshly unpackaged from their fleshy containers:

• I Don't Know What This Is (Dean Evans)
• Marshmallowed (Ryan Walters)
• Shakespeare Cakesmear (Kristie Koehler)
• The glass is either half empty with champagne or half full of piss (Heather Riordan)
• Christmas in June (or July) (Jay Torrence)
• Nothing Is Happening (Jay Torrence)

In case you were wondering, the stretch of I-90/94 through Wisconsin and Minnesota is very nice this time of year. And I'm decent at DDR.

The Neo-Futurists hereby declare that the below noted Plays are certified World Premieres, subject to any and all normal wear-and-tear that may occur in said Plays performances, until they are old and no longer desirable, and are pushed down the stairs for younger, more attractive plays.

• Ryan and Jay see how many they can do (Jay Torrence)
• Chicken & Pig Play #2: Ding! (Heather Riordan)
• A Neo-Futurline (Kristie Koehler)
• Deja WOW (Kristie Koehler)
• Lil' D & JJ's Seven Commandments of Relationships for Independent Men and Women (Dean Evans)
• An Actor Who Writes: Exit Interview by Dean Evans (Dean Evans)

Above plays are to be performed by an ensemble consisting of no fewer than five and no greater than eight Neo-Futurists, ipso facto, habeas corpus, nolo contendere, veni vidi vici, in perpetuity throughout the universe.